A Place I can call Home
by kr kill
Summary: oneshot. senrusen. Rukawa angst. Two years wasted, two hearts broken. In an agonizing attempt to live life without someone to hold and love, is death the only answer? Or is there a certain place one can call home?


A Place I can call Home

**_A/N: _**Yes, a SenRuSen ficcie…an effect of boring classes…though exams are two weeks from now. The story came from an unfinished poem, but when I sat by the computer I think I lost everything. The plot changed completely and became so angst. Though the story is still in POV format. Thanks for reading and don't forget to review…Jeopardy is STILL under construction and is too far to done. I can't even approximate when it will be finished or if it'll be even finished…

**_Note:_**

[ "" ] – dialogue

[ - - ] – start/end of flashback

[ ** ] – end of scene

**_Disclaimer: _**I don't own Slam Dunk …

~*start*~

I don't know how I got into this mess. I even remember vowing never to allow anyone to bypass my defenses but what have I become?

Everything is indifferent, everybody except me. Nevertheless a certain someone made me special, he was the only one who had the courage to crush the ice completely…and break my heart at the same time.

"Kaede no baka!"

I was never weak neither was I strong. And sometimes I wish I never existed. No one ever needed me, no one ever wanted me, no one ever loved me…everybody just uses me.

What did I do to deserve this? Can anyone tell me? Because I can't figure out why God wants me to suffer…why he does this me? Every bit of what I have is always taken away.

Look at me; I'm not Rukawa Kaede anymore. I'm no cold, unfeeling bastard…I can't even sleep peacefully. Even basketball distress me…at first it gave me new hope but I guess I was wrong…again. I was always blamed.

"I don't even have the right to live, ne Akira?"

They said death was never the answer. I wish it was true. I smiled sadly to myself.

"Will you stop me…Akira? If you do I'll listen, because I still love you…you know."

- -

The air was chilly that night warning me of a tragedy. Then again I took no notice of this as I continued walking my way.

I saw someone all-too-familiar; it was my bestfriend or at least that's what I call our relationship. I wanted to approach him so badly but I stopped midway.

"Akira!"

It was an urgent call, not from me but from…Sakuragi Hanamichi. When did they start calling each other in first name basis?

"Hana-koi!"

I was glued in place. How I wanted to scream but the pain consumed me. It hurts to know he loves the do'aho. It hurts to know we're just friends. Were we really…friends?

"Kaede!"

"Hey! It's the kitsune…"

I was about to walk away but I guess I was too late since they took notice of me.

"Akira…and the 'aho…"

"Teme, kitsune!"

Sendoh just smiled at us as we started our usual bickering. We stopped when we heard a shout…and seconds later eternal blackness consumed me.

**

I vaguely remember what ensued that night. I think a car lost control of its break. Where am I anyway?

I lay bandaged in a hospital bed. Suddenly I remembered…Sakuragi Hanamichi and Akira. And I stood up from my deep slumber despite the throbbing pain in my head.

Before long, I found myself knocking in Akira's room (hospital). I entered to see him crying and couldn't help but wonder why…

"Why so sullen, Akira? Where's the do'aho?"

He looked up at me before answering, "Why so sullen? Why so sullen? You killed him…"

"I killed who?" I asked confusedly.

I thought it was a pathetic joke but…

"Sakuragi's dead. And you…YOU KILLED HIM!"

"Is this a joke?" I almost choked out.

"I thought we were friends…what have you done?"

"I didn't do anything-"

"A car lost its break…YOU LET A CAR RUN OVER HIM…"

"I didn't do anything-"

"GET OUT!"

"I'm here to comfort you…"

"I DON'T NEED ANYTHING FROM YOU! GET OUT OF THIS ROOM!"

I stood my ground until he started punching me. As for me, I never did answer any of them I accepted everything even if it was never my fault.

"I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU."

"I HATE YOU!"

"BAKA! For one second, can you think straightly? Look at you; you look vulnerable, you sound pathetic. Why for God's sake will I kill him? Don't go blaming me for your problems because you don't know me…you don't know how much I suffer because of you and because of what I hide from you…DO'AHO!"

He stared at me, no words coming out and when he opened his mouth to speak, tears continuously spilling out, I interrupted him.

"You said you want me out. Don't worry I'm leaving you, not only today but for the rest of you're life. I promise you'll never see me…you know where to find me, if you want to see me." I smiled sadly before leaving the room.

And without turning back I left him, head bowed low. All hope gone, heart shattered to a million pieces.

- -

I let my tears fall silently. I don't even know how I survived a couple of years without him. Maybe because I thought one day he'd apologize or one day I'd find someone to replace him.

"I want to see Akira for the last time."

But breaking a promise is no good and so I decided to walk along the same park. Silence enveloped my surroundings, until the last ray of sunlight disappears and the end grew near.

"Kaede…is that you?"

I heard a familiar voice giving me a spark of hope. And so I turned around.

"Hn, Akira."

"I wanted to see you…"

"How interesting…you want to see me after a couple of years…"

"My original plan was to visit you tomorrow but I saw you today so why wait tomo-"

"You won't be seeing anyone tomorrow, 'cause I was planning to die today," I said calmly, revealing my plan.

"You're joking, right Kaede?"

"No." I said flatly, smiling sadly at him.

"Why…tell me your reasons," he whispered so softly.

"Because of you. I left you for two long years, ran away from my true feelings but slowly its catching up. I want to see you but I can't because I promised."

"Why are you even suffering for me?"

"Because…I love you."

"Why say it only now?"

"You hate me, remember. Since I'm dying as well, at least you already know."

And without warning Sendoh punched me, hard.

"What?"

"Idiot…"

He broke down and slowly fell to his knees. Crying all over again for a reason I myself don't know.

"How can you love me?"

"You were the only person who had the courage to be my friend."

"You don't deserve me…"

"Are you here to tell me that? 'Cause you can't tell me how I should feel…"

"I'm so stupid…I wasted two long years to realize, I love you."

"You must be kidding. Don't pity me, Akira."

"I'm not pitying you…"

"I know you used me, everybody does…"

"Kaede, I know you don't believe me but when Hana died…it really hurt. But what hurt more was seeing you sacrifice everything for me and because everything you said that day was true, I was just being pathetic…and when I realized that, you were gone."

"Don't worry I'm used to it. People never needing me…people never wanting me…people never loving me…people using me…" I said laughing softly but truthfully tears started to spill from my eyes.

"I won't let you go this time…I won't be a burden anymore." He said holding onto my leg tightly, preventing me from taking any further steps.

"Akira…don't you think I've suffered enough. Everything I love gets taken away from me."

"I. Love. You."

"I do love you…"

"Then don't die…don't waste your life. Stay with me…please…"

I never saw Akira plead before. But now his doing this for me; he's letting his pride go. Assuring me that I have a place I can call home.

"Do I have a place?"

And as I slowly knelt beside his crying figure, he replied, "Yes, you have every space in my heart."

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer as he sobbed continuously.

"I'm sorry, Akira. For attempting to leave you…but this time I won't. This time I'll be staying and together we'll start anew. I love you."

"I'm sorry too for letting you suffer all this years…I'm so sorry…for blaming you Hana's death. For pushing you away…I'm sorry…"

"Sh…its okay. Don't worry I understand everything; I don't blame you for all my sufferings. I chose this because I love you and I was and I still am prepared for the challenges. You're all I ever need."

"Thank you…thank you…I love you, Kaede."

**

_/one month later/_

I guess having a home wasn't bad. Waking up each single day with Akira sleeping soundly by my side, eating breakfast and dinner together and there were those romantic nights.

"Kaede…what are you doing?"

I laughed softly.

"C'mon…were late for Kenji and Toru's party."

Right, we were heading to Kenji and Toru's anniversary party. After all they were first to accept us because they had the same case. Bestfriends…lovers…it was hard to decide which one.

"Did you bring the gift, Akira?"

"Its already in the car…who's driving?"

"I am…" I said.

Akira moved in two weeks ago and we took turns in driving our car.

The party was quite organized knowing Toru…he'd see everything was right in order. I saw two of my teammates as well, Mitsui and Kogure together as always…the others might follow a little later.

"Akira…?"

"What is it, Kaede?"

"You didn't tell me…how I gained a place in your heart?"

"For two long years, your words hunted me…every single one seeping through my soul. And then I realized how much you cared for me. I don't know when but I started to fall in love, knowing you are somewhat worried…"

I smiled truthfully.

"You should smile more often…it suits you. It makes you prettier."

"I'm no girl…"

"Who said you are-"

"You did…"

"I did not…"

"Do'aho."

"Kaede…"

"I love you…" He whispered to my ear.

"Ah…I love you too."

~*OwaRi*~

**_A/N:_** Yes! I finally finished this…one fic for a whole day of editing, arranging and continuing. I want to post this…wai na…Rukawa angst. I totally exhausted myself, making Rukawa do things and all…so not him. Ehehe…just review…thanks! Do you think a ToruKen sequel suits this fic?


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